A little more personal

I never post personal blogs, but I've been blogging for a year now and have yet to post one, so here it is filled with total honesty. 

To be honest, I don't know where my life is going at this moment. I'm a junior in college double majoring in Psychology and Communications, but I have no clue what I want to do... well that's a lie. I want to be happy, experience a great love, swim, surf, and breathe without feeling like the world is caving in on me.

I'm not meant to commute everyday and sit in a building for eight hours stressed about something that, in the grand scheme of things, is completely and utterly meaningless. I don't want conversations and smiles with no depth. I want clear water and the sun beating on my face. I want to meet new people, learn about other cultures, and grow as a person. I want to have "bull sessions" filled with personal and intellectual feelings and ideas. I want to wake up to the smell of salt water and a breeze. I want to love without fear of being broken or hurting someone else in the process, because lets face it love doesn't care about timing or who it's hurting. This, this fantasy that I have about love, is just that, a fantasy. It is one of my more far-fetched dreams. 

Some people are so excited to graduate and start their career, but after 17 years in school I can't picture jumping straight into a serious career. When would I have time to enjoy life and be completely free? If you're that person who is extremely excited to move straight into a career, then more power to you. If that's what will make you happy then I urge you to chase that and not get discouraged if you don't get the first, second, or even third job you apply for. Do I see myself being happy later in life with a career in my field of either majors? Certainly, but not immediately after graduation. I'm just not ready. I need a break. I need a year to live on the beach again. I need time to not have a care in the world, to not worry about my grades, to not stress out about what comes next, because I don't want to know what comes next. I just want it to happen. I want to experience life to the fullest with absolutely no regrets.  

Until this past August I've lived steps away from the beach my entire life and I must say that it's harder than I imagined not being able to look out of my back window and have a gorgeous view of the water. Not being able to walk to the beach, get in my kayak, or jump on my jet ski is something that has taken a lot to get used to. Living in the mountains has forced me to realize that I need time to fully enjoy those experiences. I understand some of some may not agree with me and I respect that, but this is what has been weighing on my mind for quite some time now and I felt the need to share. 

What do you all plan on doing once you get out of school? 

XX,

Lauren-lee